Thursday, October 6, 2011

Apparently, My Ass Is No Asset

In which I link my latest disappointment back to politics and religion.

I was brainstorming how to make some quick cash, and thought back to an article I was reading, about how research institutions really need bodies to do research on..

http://tinyurl.com/3o9zqlz

..and so I thought, hey, I wonder how much I could get if I sold my future corpse to science. Sounded like a good idea to me. Supply and demand! There's probably alotta fun stuff inside this bizarre set of guts.
But then I was researching it further, and found out that it is, seemingly for no good reason, illegal to sell bodies or body parts, even if they're your own, in these United States, and in each of the states of these United States.
Instead, we are prodded, with a strong undertone of moral sanction, to just hand over our most precious asset (our actual former selves) to those researchers who would seek to both deal in and deny its commodity.

"Your donation should be made in the spirit of a truly priceless gift for mankind and the advancement of health sciences."

Blah blah blah giveusyourbodyforfree blah.

What are the honest reasons behind this quaint proscription? I wager, the self-same religious "sacred body" jibberty jabber mentioned in that article.
Oh, Reginald, we mustn't trample on the "soul", cheapen up the "chakras", or debase the "spirit" of the deceased's former temple.
Laws against such an otherwise reasonable transaction can only be based in superstitious sensitivities and rooted in the antiquated asshattery that has yet to be fully flushed out of our societal system.
I'm winking at you, religion.

Hey, wait! What happened to our great capitalist society?! Why isn't the political Right jumping all over this? Oh, that's right, they have to play the doublethink game and play to the diametrically opposed constituents of their base: the fundie religious, and the free-market wheeler-dealers. And since this idea would step on the toes of the already panicky social reactionaries, the fundie card trumps on this one.
And why isn't the Left up in arms.. or rather, flowers.. about the infringement that is unjustly and unreasonably restricting our personal right to happiness in determining the manner by which our remains meet their ultimate destiny? Oh, that's right, they have to tiptoe around the egg shells of political correctness. We shouldn't dare to possibly disrespect anyone's sacred beliefs. Especially if those beliefs happen to have been sneaked in and codified by law. Everyone has the right not to be offended, after all.
Sure, I can understand a ban on selling other people's body parts. That sort of market would conjure the whole woke-up-in-a-bathtub-full-of-ice-with-a-surgical-scar-missing-a-kidney scenario. But my own body parts?! My own whole body? That's gotta be worth something. And I was under the impression that it was mine to do with as I pleased.. well, except apparently, use "controlled substances" on it, sell it for sex, or voluntarily stop its life functions.. but that's a whole nother set of somewhat related issues.
Can't say there wouldn't be any purchase interest, if they were being honest, especially with all the interesting complications of diabetes churning around in this walking zombie. But then, of course, the arms of those institutions of higher learning would be hard twisted to start actually paying for something they've always gotten for free.. or clandestinely dug out of the local paupers' field. That's the real reason they're so quick to leverage that "spirit of giving" "betterment of mankind" spiel. For them too, it's just all a matter of the cash.
If they want it, they can buy it.
Their moral outrage is plastic.

So, fuck 'em. They're not willing to fork over fare trade value, they're getting squat. My corpus is going in the furnace.

2 comments:

Máire said...

Oh, apparently I never told you about all the calls we'd get at my old job. Could've saved you some time.

Once my co-worker got a call from someone asking how much he would get paid for donating his mother-in-law's body to science. I am not making this up.

Wes said...

I wrote this at 3AM, so I wasn't exactly running on all cylinders, but thought it was somewhat funny, and revealing of the inner workings of my mind. Next thing you know, I'll find out I'm actually a conspiracy theorist too.
Hey, wait! Is it really a coincidence that Steve Jobs died so close to a very underwhelming iPhone announcement? Reptoids want to know!