Grand Nagus Zek and this African Person

SEPARATED AT BIRTH

I'm justice smart ass, you.

When someone asks, "What's up?" I have to say, " 'Up' is the direction away from the nearest and strongest center of gravity."
This is because I'm so damned clever and smug.

OK.. now here's a more difficult one.. What's "in"..
You may not use the word "in" in your definition, nor any word containing "in-" or "en-".

Show your work, and only use a number two pencil. Points will be deducted for consulting god or gods for your answer.

Dirty Bath Towels

OK... here's something. How come we have to wash bath towels? Aren't we supposed to be clean when we step out of the shower? If we're drying our "clean" bodies off with a towel, then the towel should be perpetually clean, shouldn't it? ... And thus begins my stand-up comedy routine.

Hey Hey I'm the. . .Monkey?