Showing posts with label funny strange. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny strange. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Future Guy


I love the idea of time capsules and language, so it's understandable I'd be interested in how people from the past intend to communicate with people (or whatevers) in the future. How might they be able to tell what items in a time capsule even are, or decipher the contrivances intended to make that task easier? Here's a graphical attempt by the Smithsonian to describe the sounds and structure of 1938 English. I like the mouth map, but the other graphics aren't exactly transparent.

Now this is going to be fun. If you don't think so, you may exit forthwith.
I'm going to play "(far far) future guy," and come at these graphics, not using the knowledge I have of how things are today.. or in 1938. I'll be a normal human of a completely new era, but as expected, without knowledge of English, or even any current conventions. We'll see if "future guy" can figure out what they mean.



Graphic 1) Mouth map 
(Future guy communicates efficiently through brain-linking technology. Speech apart from singing is pretty much foreign to him.) 


Initially thought the symbols were designations for parts of the oral cavity, but then remembered that the primary means of communication was verbal, as well as written. Symbols probably indicate the parts of the mouth used in producing a variety of sounds. How they might interact, if at all, is a mystery. Perhaps a separate device is applied to the interior of the mouth at each point in order to produce distinctly meaningful sounds.

Graphic 2) Stickmen



The recurrence of the symbol combination /ai/ most likely means:
person,being; action,acting; position, posing, or form.

Figure a) is in a lying position. 

Figure b) is sitting.

Figure c) is standing.

This is easy!

Figure d) is slouching.

Figure e) is jumping off, or stumbling forward.

Figure f) is marching with exaggerated limb positions.

What's that linear object?

Figure g) is riding or squatting.

Figure h) is not on knees, therefore probably not crawling. I'll go with searching for something. Perhaps even getting in a position to execute the maneuver in Figure i).

Figure i) is going up an incline.

Figure j) is going down an incline, or sliding.


Graphic 3) Concentric circles.



The central symbol groups indicating the superset concept seem to be in two related languages, with the same meaning. Probably indicative of the over-arching concept depicted by each graphic.

Three related concepts are indicated. from top to bottom:

a) outer, b) inner, c) center 

or perhaps, wave formants 
a) subsequent b) initial formant c) origin

May also be a crude representation of atomic structure, as their limited knowledge would allow.

Graphic 4) Very enigmatic.



I have no clue what this object is. It's obviously referring to the points of intricacy along the line segment. The center item seems to be the odd one out, as the other two are similar in structure.
-
Consultation and pattern matching suggest a representation of the planetary horizon, with structures upon it, and not a particular object or tool. 
The blackened portions may represent a particle emission, which is indicated by the broken lines above and extending to the left. Smoke or steam- Common in occurrence for the time period.
With scale and perspective taken into account, the other points of structure seem then to be centers of physical interaction; buildings, which were then organized into a pattern; cities. Most importantly, they are clustered *away* from the central structure.
-
Consultation and pattern matching suggest the central structure is a fabrication point; factory, as they were often depicted with such particle emitters.
-
Initial conclusion:
The graphic is somehow indicating the relationship between the factory being set apart from the cities, and how the particle emission tends toward one city over the other, probably dependent on wind and weather. Although not an issue worth mentioning now, the concept may have played an important role at the time, and therefore worthy of communicating. 
Depending on the level of metaphor, the symbols could indicate the designations for certain cities and a factory, or may stand for general concepts, such as:
a) receiver b) origin c) that which does not receive
a) downwind b) origin c) upwind
a) object b) agent c) alternate
-
Further consultation and research indicates initial conclusion most likely to be erroneous. The center structure is an ocean-going vessel, and the cities are points between which the vessel is travelling. This leads to the symbols most probably indicating:

a) origin b) means(of travel) c) destination, 

or with a difference in mode,
a) from b) by c) to/toward

Graphic 5) A common gestural greeting.



Most probably represents a form of gestural ritual, performed at initial contact; a greeting. 
The function of the lower body coverings is not apparent, but note that they are alike. 
The head coverings, or perhaps hair, is different. The individuals are otherwise alike. I take this to mean that the greeting represented is for people who are common to each other in most ways, but differ in a few. This would indicate that the greeting may be repeated, or habitual, as people generally grouped together according to common characteristics, in that time. 
The disembodied arm may indicate a variant arm position, or perhaps one following or preceding the other gestural combinations. 
The symbol arrangements here seem to indicate that the gestural positions for each hand have special designations. It's unclear what the set/subset relationship for the reoccurrence of the 'ai' combination is, but this graphic would seem to support its translation as 'position'. 
There are two superset concepts depicted in this graphic. Most probably the symbols indicating the group of gestures performed by each person, as they seem to be two different but related sets.

Graphic 6) binary relationship of light reflection. 



Figures are arranged in three sets of two. The first two represent people. It's unclear whether they are all to represent specific people/objects, or concepts. Maybe it's a mix of both. They definitely form couplings; pairs that go together, or have a common relationship with one another. 
Following the pattern 'a is to b as c is to d' renders a possible common property for indicating light reflection. 

A head with less hair on top reflects more light than one with more hair on top, for the light-skinned persons depicted. The beard on the one person, by contrast, may signify the emphasis on head hair, rather than facial hair.

The second pair shows the concept of 'less' and 'more', in the same a/b pattern.

The light rectangle would reflect more than the dark one.

The importance in communicating this concept may be to stress that for each object/person classification, different groups of symbols are used to convey the same concept. It has been fairly well substantiated that communication of this period often employed multiple symbol combinations for the same concept. The superset concept is most likely indicated by the group of symbols showing representations in the two related languages, and apparently applicable to all figures represented.

---

And thus, future guy pretty much fails at translation. At least he didn't try to link everything to concepts of worship, religion, and ancient gods.
















Monday, May 20, 2013

McMohammed



Is it blasphemy day yet? .. It is now.
McMohammed (PBUH (Processed Beef Upon Him))- Face not shown, as it's hidden by clown make-up!

All nuggets slaughtered as cruelly and hallallallly as possible.

Click on image to supersize it! You know the drill.

Friday, April 5, 2013

At least it doesn't say, "Oriental"



McDonald's's limited time offers- The McRib, the Shamrock Shake, and now apparently, the Asian Burrito. Although nowhere on the menu, witness the cousin to the burrito I featured on June 11th, 2011. This time, the little round sticker used to swaddle my breakfast proudly proclaims its ethnicity! After consuming this paragon of nutrition, I could only conclude that the integral though solitary part of the burrito that was Asian, was the sticker.
Go out and get yours today, before Disney puts it back in the vault.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

There is a Real Happiness of Wallerstien's!


Wallerstien...
It requires a way.
So, through the many fragrant
we fairly chart our recompense.




Sentiment of Wallerstien

Of all great sentiment on joyous for you! Let's have a one, together!


It Rhymes with Bean


In this month of time of yaar, 
We drink of milk and blood-red wine,
Or honey juice and ginger baar, 
And toddies laced with clementine.

The children tucked without a fjar,
A teal dove all their dreams align,
Straight as a crimson arrow spjar,
In through it's breast along a line.

I know it isn't really feer,
To rhyme "a line" there with "align",
But I'm not bothered. I don't ceer.
Just have a trippy Wallerstien!

A Wallerstien's Day, Everyone!




Tuesday, June 14, 2011

We're Not Racist

At a nearby movie house.





Are the Irish considered a "race"? What criteria go into determining a race of people? Physical considerations, usually, but how about purely cultural or geographic ones. Are Northern Irish people a different "race" than Republic of Ireland folks?
Can ginger people be considered a race? How about people with Down's Syndrome? Things that make ya go blërg.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

..But What Else Doesn't it Contain?


I had breakfast at McDonald's with a friend this morning.

Yes, I know we have better choices, but [fill in excuse here]. One breakfast burrito mummied up tight. I'm not exactly sure what it contained, but I've been successfully duped by their marketing department into perceiving the ingredients as something resembling scrambled eggs, sausage and cheese.

What I was surprised at was their apparent need to tell me what was *not* in the burrito, and what that something was...

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Hail Storm


Suddenly it's hot and humid today. Then we get a hail storm. I went outside in it, to get a hailstone, because I'm smart like that :P I forgot my side door lock was busted and had to run round the front. We'll see if I've raised any bruises.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

FAIL



Just rummaging through old stuff. I found this missing pet flyer that I took from a supermarket on my way through Albert Lea Minnesota in September of 2001.
For those who don't know, Hormel is a meat packing plant. 0_o

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Genesis of Testicles

..But for Adam no suitable helper was found. The chimp tried out for the job, and worked for a while, but quickly lost interest in helping Adam. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; Because, ya know, Adam was too quick for God to pin down without knocking him out, and also, anesthetics hadn't been invented yet.

God was a nicer fellow back in those times, not yet having flown off into a rage to kill the thousands upon thousands of people he would do later in this same book. He didn't want what he was going to do to Adam to be too torturous for him. So while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Extra flesh that God just happened to have left over from when he made Adam, but not enough to make a whole other person.

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man. Ribs are like concentrated condensed flesh, so they can be added to water to make enough flesh to make a whole human being out of, at least when God does it. He made her with the same number of ribs that Adam was going to have after that little surgical procedure, so there would be no evidence that the operation had ever taken place.

And the Lord God said to himself, he said, "I might as well give the man some testicles now, and a scrotum to keep them in, because ya know, now that there's a woman around, he might need them to reproduce." So Adam got testicles, which dangled between his legs like the afterthought they were.

And God said to Eve, which Adam had named the woman. "Now you can give Adam a haircut, because that's the way I like him to look. I would have designed his hair to stop growing at a certain length, but me being the omniscient deity I happen to be, knew that I'd be making you to do that for him. So yeah, go do that then." So Eve went and fashioned two sharp rocks into the first pair of scissors.

Later, after a bit of a tiff with God, they had babies, and when they grew up, they had sex with their children, and those children had sex with each other, though they were brothers and sisters. And thus they populated the earth.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

No Discrimination at This Restaurant!



It doesn't matter what species you are. The Uptown Diner in Minneapolis will gladly take your order. Remember to wipe your hooves at the doormat.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

One Hundred Years Hence

An interesting little piece ran on the front page of the January 1, 1901 Newark Daily Advocate (Newark, Ohio). It expounded on the possibilities imagined for advancements in the year 2001. You can find it in the archives of the Paleofuture.com site
I just thought I'd make my own version of it. I love the jargon, concepts and language evolution.

One hundred years hence, what manner of marvels shall adorn our every-day?

Will a man's suit be decanted onto his person before breakfast, or might he take his morning constitutional fully exposed?

Will the steam locomotive require its daily coal concentrated in pastille form?

Will the men of congress tele-phone in the votes of their elected duty?

Will immigrant Moon men tend to dish-washing and street-sweeping as the Formosan or Spaniard does today?

Will the sweet nectar of the orange drip from the pulp in purple?

Will the seamstress employ a petite hammer and nails to hem a gown of gossamer metals?

Will airships serve as arks, traversing the ethers between worlds, to populate them with flora and fauna, two by two?

Will the cuisine of the Eskimo be vended at the neighbourhood grocery?

Will the cones of the spruce be bred to glow like candles on Christmas?

Will common currency be replaced by a small plastic card with a magnetic strip that tallies charges?

Will meat-loaf find its primary ingredient in the cracker barrel, rather than with the butcher?

Will chapeaux and bowlers be festooned with electric lights?

Will mammoth cats chase lap dogs down alleyways?

Will this endeavor prove more tedious than either clever or amusing?

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Wafflecube


Inspired by Isaac's suggestion from March 5th on

http://twitter.com/ChaoticIsaac

I give you Wafflecube, the cake-stuffed wafflestructure. An important part of this balanced, nutritional brunch.
The tesseract version gave me indigestion.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Image of Mother of Son of Ceiling Cat


I saw an image of the mother of the son of Ceiling Cat, who looks surprisingly like Ceiling Cat, burnt into my toast this morning.
... ebay?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Average Americano


The elevator at the Marriott Hotel in Minneapolis seems to expect a person in America to average 350 lbs. That's 159 kg. , 25 stone. .. Also notice the Health Club on the 7th floor! Things that make you go hmm.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Life after Death?... What?

  I often have extreme difficulty understanding how human beings process and prioritize the perceptions of their world. The concept of life after death, or rather, the yearning for such a thing, is puzzling to me.

  Our reality is made up of many dimensional facets, the perfunctory ones being length, width, height and time. We are a natural part of that construct, and we function perfectly well as such. As an individual; one of many, I occupy a finite portion of that construct. This is, of course, necessary to function properly. If any of my dimensional aspects were to be changed to a value of infinity, I would no longer function correctly in reality. Imagine a person infinitely tall or infinitely wide. That would entail immobility at the least. This is why a desire for infinite life, i.e. infinite time is not reasonable to me. It would be like wishing you were infinitely tall.

Given this information, my question is, why would human beings find immortality or "life after death" desirable?

Thanks for thinking with me on this.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Cosmic Pedo

Yes, I'm evil. But this is an actual scene from 1958's The Cosmic Man with John Carradine.... OK.. well, maybe I remixed it a LITTLE bit, but the original scene is quite pedo-creepy.


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Lapp?


I don't think the Saami people like being called the L word, and I was surprised to see this sign in the Mpls Ikea...

Thursday, January 3, 2008

That Musta Been Some Turkey



They try to warn against the improper use of those deep friers
[Yes I make light of world tragedy]