Genesis of Testicles

..But for Adam no suitable helper was found. The chimp tried out for the job, and worked for a while, but quickly lost interest in helping Adam. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; Because, ya know, Adam was too quick for God to pin down without knocking him out, and also, anesthetics hadn't been invented yet.

God was a nicer fellow back in those times, not yet having flown off into a rage to kill the thousands upon thousands of people he would do later in this same book. He didn't want what he was going to do to Adam to be too torturous for him. So while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Extra flesh that God just happened to have left over from when he made Adam, but not enough to make a whole other person.

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man. Ribs are like concentrated condensed flesh, so they can be added to water to make enough flesh to make a whole human being out of, at least when God does it. He made her with the same number of ribs that Adam was going to have after that little surgical procedure, so there would be no evidence that the operation had ever taken place.

And the Lord God said to himself, he said, "I might as well give the man some testicles now, and a scrotum to keep them in, because ya know, now that there's a woman around, he might need them to reproduce." So Adam got testicles, which dangled between his legs like the afterthought they were.

And God said to Eve, which Adam had named the woman. "Now you can give Adam a haircut, because that's the way I like him to look. I would have designed his hair to stop growing at a certain length, but me being the omniscient deity I happen to be, knew that I'd be making you to do that for him. So yeah, go do that then." So Eve went and fashioned two sharp rocks into the first pair of scissors.

Later, after a bit of a tiff with God, they had babies, and when they grew up, they had sex with their children, and those children had sex with each other, though they were brothers and sisters. And thus they populated the earth.