An interesting little piece ran on the front page of the January 1, 1901 Newark Daily Advocate (Newark, Ohio). It expounded on the possibilities imagined for advancements in the year 2001. You can find it in the archives of the Paleofuture.com site
I just thought I'd make my own version of it. I love the jargon, concepts and language evolution.
One hundred years hence, what manner of marvels shall adorn our every-day?
Will a man's suit be decanted onto his person before breakfast, or might he take his morning constitutional fully exposed?
Will the steam locomotive require its daily coal concentrated in pastille form?
Will the men of congress tele-phone in the votes of their elected duty?
Will immigrant Moon men tend to dish-washing and street-sweeping as the Formosan or Spaniard does today?
Will the sweet nectar of the orange drip from the pulp in purple?
Will the seamstress employ a petite hammer and nails to hem a gown of gossamer metals?
Will airships serve as arks, traversing the ethers between worlds, to populate them with flora and fauna, two by two?
Will the cuisine of the Eskimo be vended at the neighbourhood grocery?
Will the cones of the spruce be bred to glow like candles on Christmas?
Will common currency be replaced by a small plastic card with a magnetic strip that tallies charges?
Will meat-loaf find its primary ingredient in the cracker barrel, rather than with the butcher?
Will chapeaux and bowlers be festooned with electric lights?
Will mammoth cats chase lap dogs down alleyways?
Will this endeavor prove more tedious than either clever or amusing?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Neologasms
prostituation n.
- an unplanned or unforeseen circumstance in which one finds oneself having given or taken money and/or gifts that later result in anticipation of obligatory sex.
appearancestors n.
- famous and powerful historic figures to which everyone wants or claims to be descended.
pressert [PRE-zert] n.
- having sweets before the main meal instead of after
instairs/outstairs adv.
- back formation - upstairs, downstairs -inside outside.
gekkomercial n.
- a television add that is so annoying that you have to exert energy to turn it off before you see/hear it again and damage your brain.
pontifingers [LO!] n.
- that blessing hand gesture that Jesus does in those medieval paintings with the index and middle fingers together erect, thumb outward, and the ring and little fingers bent palmward.
- an unplanned or unforeseen circumstance in which one finds oneself having given or taken money and/or gifts that later result in anticipation of obligatory sex.
appearancestors n.
- famous and powerful historic figures to which everyone wants or claims to be descended.
pressert [PRE-zert] n.
- having sweets before the main meal instead of after
instairs/outstairs adv.
- back formation - upstairs, downstairs -inside outside.
gekkomercial n.
- a television add that is so annoying that you have to exert energy to turn it off before you see/hear it again and damage your brain.
pontifingers [LO!] n.
- that blessing hand gesture that Jesus does in those medieval paintings with the index and middle fingers together erect, thumb outward, and the ring and little fingers bent palmward.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I Love You More Than Your God Does
I won't torture you forever because of your nature.
I won't demand that you forsake your friends and family to curry my favour.
I won't obligate you to worship me.
I won't communicate with you in a way that can at best be described as cryptic, and at worst non-existent.
I won't order you to attack or kill people.
I won't require perfection of you to be around me.
I won't tell you to abandon rational thinking, and do what I say without reason.
I won't label you as unworthy, and then place it upon you to overcome my judgment.
I don't need or want any of that.
What am I?
I'm common human friendship.
And yes, that's right.
I love you more than your god does.
I won't demand that you forsake your friends and family to curry my favour.
I won't obligate you to worship me.
I won't communicate with you in a way that can at best be described as cryptic, and at worst non-existent.
I won't order you to attack or kill people.
I won't require perfection of you to be around me.
I won't tell you to abandon rational thinking, and do what I say without reason.
I won't label you as unworthy, and then place it upon you to overcome my judgment.
I don't need or want any of that.
What am I?
I'm common human friendship.
And yes, that's right.
I love you more than your god does.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Fedoralingo Quiz
I thought I put this up a while ago, but I guess not. Well, here it is! Here what is, you ask? The Fedoralingo Quiz! Can't you read titles? What's "Fedoralingo?" you ask? Well, lemme tell ya! A "fedora" was a popular hat the fellas wore back in the 30's and 40's in the good ol' U.S. of A., see? A perfect symbol for the particular brand of slang, or "lingo," that they used back then.
So c'mon along and dip your toes into some fedoralingo! And feel free to make one of your own using whatever slang or regional dialect you happen to know!
1) Why, I oughta come on over there and give ya...
a) what for.
b) a piece of my mind.
c) a knuckle sandwich.
2) Get a load of...
a) the gams on that dame.
b) the stiffs in this rinky-dink gin joint.
c) the riffraff in this two-bit flophouse.
3) What's all the...
a) hubbub, bub?
b) ballyhoo, buddy-boy?
c) folderol, fellas?
4) You ain't so slick, ya big...
a) galoot!
b) lug!
c) chump!
5) You fellas got the skinny on...
a) that swanky new jalopy?
b) that snazzy little number?
c) that ritzy ol' broad?
(P.S. This is not actually a quiz, as any one of the answers given works fine for each question.)
So c'mon along and dip your toes into some fedoralingo! And feel free to make one of your own using whatever slang or regional dialect you happen to know!
1) Why, I oughta come on over there and give ya...
a) what for.
b) a piece of my mind.
c) a knuckle sandwich.
2) Get a load of...
a) the gams on that dame.
b) the stiffs in this rinky-dink gin joint.
c) the riffraff in this two-bit flophouse.
3) What's all the...
a) hubbub, bub?
b) ballyhoo, buddy-boy?
c) folderol, fellas?
4) You ain't so slick, ya big...
a) galoot!
b) lug!
c) chump!
5) You fellas got the skinny on...
a) that swanky new jalopy?
b) that snazzy little number?
c) that ritzy ol' broad?
(P.S. This is not actually a quiz, as any one of the answers given works fine for each question.)
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Wafflecube
Inspired by Isaac's suggestion from March 5th on
http://twitter.com/ChaoticIsaac
I give you Wafflecube, the cake-stuffed wafflestructure. An important part of this balanced, nutritional brunch.
The tesseract version gave me indigestion.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Image of Mother of Son of Ceiling Cat
I saw an image of the mother of the son of Ceiling Cat, who looks surprisingly like Ceiling Cat, burnt into my toast this morning.
... ebay?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Average Americano
The elevator at the Marriott Hotel in Minneapolis seems to expect a person in America to average 350 lbs. That's 159 kg. , 25 stone. .. Also notice the Health Club on the 7th floor! Things that make you go hmm.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Easter Candy.. A Little Too Happy
There's a candy store in the 6Quebec building right across Marquette from the Wells Fargo Building in downtown Minneapolis. In the window they have oversized (for some perhaps) replicas of candies in a display. I can not believe this was created and arranged innocently. Wouldn't you just love to get one of those in your easter basket?
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