Neologasms

prostituation n.
- an unplanned or unforeseen circumstance in which one finds oneself having given or taken money and/or gifts that later result in anticipation of obligatory sex.

appearancestors n.
- famous and powerful historic figures to which everyone wants or claims to be descended.

pressert [PRE-zert] n.
- having sweets before the main meal instead of after

instairs/outstairs adv.
- back formation - upstairs, downstairs -inside outside.

gekkomercial n.
- a television add that is so annoying that you have to exert energy to turn it off before you see/hear it again and damage your brain.

pontifingers [LO!] n.
- that blessing hand gesture that Jesus does in those medieval paintings with the index and middle fingers together erect, thumb outward, and the ring and little fingers bent palmward.

Teen Sex Prison

CNN's Version...




My Version...

Happy Belated Easter.. or whatever

I Love You More Than Your God Does

I won't torture you forever because of your nature.
I won't demand that you forsake your friends and family to curry my favour.
I won't obligate you to worship me.
I won't communicate with you in a way that can at best be described as cryptic, and at worst non-existent.
I won't order you to attack or kill people.
I won't require perfection of you to be around me.
I won't tell you to abandon rational thinking, and do what I say without reason.
I won't label you as unworthy, and then place it upon you to overcome my judgment.

I don't need or want any of that.
What am I?
I'm common human friendship.
And yes, that's right.
I love you more than your god does.

Fedoralingo Quiz

I thought I put this up a while ago, but I guess not. Well, here it is! Here what is, you ask? The Fedoralingo Quiz! Can't you read titles? What's "Fedoralingo?" you ask? Well, lemme tell ya! A "fedora" was a popular hat the fellas wore back in the 30's and 40's in the good ol' U.S. of A., see? A perfect symbol for the particular brand of slang, or "lingo," that they used back then.

So c'mon along and dip your toes into some fedoralingo! And feel free to make one of your own using whatever slang or regional dialect you happen to know!

1) Why, I oughta come on over there and give ya...

a) what for.
b) a piece of my mind.
c) a knuckle sandwich.

2) Get a load of...

a) the gams on that dame.
b) the stiffs in this rinky-dink gin joint.
c) the riffraff in this two-bit flophouse.

3) What's all the...

a) hubbub, bub?
b) ballyhoo, buddy-boy?
c) folderol, fellas?

4) You ain't so slick, ya big...

a) galoot!
b) lug!
c) chump!

5) You fellas got the skinny on...

a) that swanky new jalopy?
b) that snazzy little number?
c) that ritzy ol' broad?

(P.S. This is not actually a quiz, as any one of the answers given works fine for each question.)

Wafflecube

Inspired by Isaac's suggestion from March 5th on

http://twitter.com/ChaoticIsaac

I give you Wafflecube, the cake-stuffed wafflestructure. An important part of this balanced, nutritional brunch.
The tesseract version gave me indigestion.

Image of Mother of Son of Ceiling Cat

I saw an image of the mother of the son of Ceiling Cat, who looks surprisingly like Ceiling Cat, burnt into my toast this morning.
... ebay?

Average Americano

The elevator at the Marriott Hotel in Minneapolis seems to expect a person in America to average 350 lbs. That's 159 kg. , 25 stone. .. Also notice the Health Club on the 7th floor! Things that make you go hmm.

Easter Candy.. A Little Too Happy

There's a candy store in the 6Quebec building right across Marquette from the Wells Fargo Building in downtown Minneapolis. In the window they have oversized (for some perhaps) replicas of candies in a display. I can not believe this was created and arranged innocently. Wouldn't you just love to get one of those in your easter basket?

The well laid plans of mice and sheiks