Monday, December 17, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Peter Griffin | Woman's Shirt
Did you ever notice that Peter Griffin is wearing a woman's shirt. Take a look at which side the buttons are on. This evidence, coupled with the fact that he tried to nurse Stewie once, leads me to believe that he may in fact (.. in cartoon fact) be a woman.
Friday, October 19, 2007
I'm justice smart ass, you.
When someone asks, "What's up?" I have to say, " 'Up' is the direction away from the nearest and strongest center of gravity."
This is because I'm so damned clever and smug.
OK.. now here's a more difficult one.. What's "in"..
You may not use the word "in" in your definition, nor any word containing "in-" or "en-".
Show your work, and only use a number two pencil. Points will be deducted for consulting god or gods for your answer.
This is because I'm so damned clever and smug.
OK.. now here's a more difficult one.. What's "in"..
You may not use the word "in" in your definition, nor any word containing "in-" or "en-".
Show your work, and only use a number two pencil. Points will be deducted for consulting god or gods for your answer.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Dirty Bath Towels
OK... here's something. How come we have to wash bath towels? Aren't we supposed to be clean when we step out of the shower? If we're drying our "clean" bodies off with a towel, then the towel should be perpetually clean, shouldn't it? ... And thus begins my stand-up comedy routine.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Devil Blames Self for Carnage
(Reprint correction from previous issue "Devil Blames Elf for Carnage" - 1/15/07)
A written confession by Satan as deposed to the L.A.P.D. office of pre-representative interrogation:
I started talking to myself recently. Ya know, I tend to be quite a lonely guy. I must admit, being the Prince of Darkness doesn't put me at the top of the social calendar. With that I began to mumble to myself under my breath - breath of fire and brimstone, of course. ; ) My voice became clearer and louder, from a whisper to an evil, gravelly baritone. At first I couldn't make out what I was saying, but then it became overwhelming. I was telling myself to go out and commit acts of horrible, bloody flesh-churning violence. Not just telling - commanding. Without being fully cognizant of my actions, I turned suggestion into bone shattering reality. What was I to do but obey. Well, some may say "just don't obey", but they fail to realize just what a relentlessly manipulative terror I can be to a tortured, lonely, outcast soul such as myself. Long story short - limbs, guts, heads on poles. You get the picture. All because the Devil wouldn't take no for an answer. Even now I can hear the evil bastard ratting me out. Anyhooz, that's that in a nutshell.
© 2007 wjk It Becomes a Thing
A written confession by Satan as deposed to the L.A.P.D. office of pre-representative interrogation:
I started talking to myself recently. Ya know, I tend to be quite a lonely guy. I must admit, being the Prince of Darkness doesn't put me at the top of the social calendar. With that I began to mumble to myself under my breath - breath of fire and brimstone, of course. ; ) My voice became clearer and louder, from a whisper to an evil, gravelly baritone. At first I couldn't make out what I was saying, but then it became overwhelming. I was telling myself to go out and commit acts of horrible, bloody flesh-churning violence. Not just telling - commanding. Without being fully cognizant of my actions, I turned suggestion into bone shattering reality. What was I to do but obey. Well, some may say "just don't obey", but they fail to realize just what a relentlessly manipulative terror I can be to a tortured, lonely, outcast soul such as myself. Long story short - limbs, guts, heads on poles. You get the picture. All because the Devil wouldn't take no for an answer. Even now I can hear the evil bastard ratting me out. Anyhooz, that's that in a nutshell.
© 2007 wjk It Becomes a Thing
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