Today, I saw the image of a piece of toast on my Jesus.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Twelve Steps to Religion
..Apart from those other, overtly religious twelve steps.
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1. Give up the idea that you must take responsibility for your own actions.
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2. Make your sanity dependent on a notion that the imaginary is more important than the verifiable.
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3. Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to an illogical mythical construct, no matter what the consequences.
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4. Allow enigmatic and reason-blearing paradoxes to grow like weeds in your mind, and base life-altering decisions upon them.
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5. Demand that others respect your right to live in a make-believe world, no matter how ridiculous and counterproductive it may be to society as a whole.
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6. Have a gushy sook to your fanciful imaginings about exactly how worthless you are by your very nature. Then parlay the resulting low self esteem into a persecution complex that you can use as a shield against criticism.
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7. Insist that only elements within your pretend construct can define it, equate it with the real world, call it special revelation, then claim parity for that circular view alongside empirically and independently confirmed knowledge.
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8. Put a pretty name, such as "faith" on gullibility and claim it to be a virtue, while at the same time denigrating healthy critical thinking with the monikers of "closed mindedness" and "cynicism."
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9. Because delusion, as well as misery, loves company, demand that others share your fantasy, and begin to live their lives based on it, despite the lack of any evidence for it whatsoever. Then, when they challenge the notion, condemn them with your words, while denying that you are making any judgment of them, hiding behind the notion that the delusion itself is just speaking through you.
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10. Demand of those persons who are unconvinced by your desperately unpersuasive and inaccurate descriptions of reality that they must prove a negative regarding your illogical position. But don't then apply that same standard to anything else in your life.
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11. Claim direct and real communication between yourself and the imagined personages of your delusions, even though no discernible product of such communication can be demonstrated.
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12. Seek, through that attempted communication with the imaginary, and morbid introspection, to completely destabilize your conscious contact with reality, by opting for that fantasy as a solution to real world problems, over actual, proven, hands-on solutions.
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12b. End up doing real harm in the world as a result.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Tall God's Children!
Our god is taller than your god!!.. And as his children, we are also not so vertically challenged!!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Genesis of Testicles
..But for Adam no suitable helper was found. The chimp tried out for the job, and worked for a while, but quickly lost interest in helping Adam. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; Because, ya know, Adam was too quick for God to pin down without knocking him out, and also, anesthetics hadn't been invented yet.
God was a nicer fellow back in those times, not yet having flown off into a rage to kill the thousands upon thousands of people he would do later in this same book. He didn't want what he was going to do to Adam to be too torturous for him. So while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Extra flesh that God just happened to have left over from when he made Adam, but not enough to make a whole other person.
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man. Ribs are like concentrated condensed flesh, so they can be added to water to make enough flesh to make a whole human being out of, at least when God does it. He made her with the same number of ribs that Adam was going to have after that little surgical procedure, so there would be no evidence that the operation had ever taken place.
And the Lord God said to himself, he said, "I might as well give the man some testicles now, and a scrotum to keep them in, because ya know, now that there's a woman around, he might need them to reproduce." So Adam got testicles, which dangled between his legs like the afterthought they were.
And God said to Eve, which Adam had named the woman. "Now you can give Adam a haircut, because that's the way I like him to look. I would have designed his hair to stop growing at a certain length, but me being the omniscient deity I happen to be, knew that I'd be making you to do that for him. So yeah, go do that then." So Eve went and fashioned two sharp rocks into the first pair of scissors.
Later, after a bit of a tiff with God, they had babies, and when they grew up, they had sex with their children, and those children had sex with each other, though they were brothers and sisters. And thus they populated the earth.
God was a nicer fellow back in those times, not yet having flown off into a rage to kill the thousands upon thousands of people he would do later in this same book. He didn't want what he was going to do to Adam to be too torturous for him. So while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Extra flesh that God just happened to have left over from when he made Adam, but not enough to make a whole other person.
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man. Ribs are like concentrated condensed flesh, so they can be added to water to make enough flesh to make a whole human being out of, at least when God does it. He made her with the same number of ribs that Adam was going to have after that little surgical procedure, so there would be no evidence that the operation had ever taken place.
And the Lord God said to himself, he said, "I might as well give the man some testicles now, and a scrotum to keep them in, because ya know, now that there's a woman around, he might need them to reproduce." So Adam got testicles, which dangled between his legs like the afterthought they were.
And God said to Eve, which Adam had named the woman. "Now you can give Adam a haircut, because that's the way I like him to look. I would have designed his hair to stop growing at a certain length, but me being the omniscient deity I happen to be, knew that I'd be making you to do that for him. So yeah, go do that then." So Eve went and fashioned two sharp rocks into the first pair of scissors.
Later, after a bit of a tiff with God, they had babies, and when they grew up, they had sex with their children, and those children had sex with each other, though they were brothers and sisters. And thus they populated the earth.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
FB Recommendation FAIL
Really?!.. Really?! FaceBook seems to be stretching it a little.. OK, more than a little.
Thanks to Ken for this little gem.
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